How Many People Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb? No, really.

Right, so last week I woke up before dawn as usual and went to do my thing(s) in the toilet.

Click, no light.

Okey doke, some things don’t need a light to do (guess what that is) but shaving and checking out the good looks does.

Back from work that evening and in the last light of day, I venture to open the ceiling light cover and find these two loopy little neon light units like the ones in the pictures many pollacks does it take to change a lightbulb
how many pollacks does it take to change a lightbulb

Used to be you pop into the nearest shop and get a new light bulb, but oh no, not with these little babies. Three days carrying one around and nobody has them. SO that was three days of doing the business without the pleasure of a close post do inspection, and shaving light a Neanderthal when they had to use flashlights for a pre-dawn shave.

After days of stopping off and going way out of my way to find a frigging light bulb, one electrician dude stuck it in at his shop and declared that the light bulb was not, in fact, the problem.

Yes indeed. The light bulb works. So what is the problem? Either of two things – the square thing or the little round thing.

So what do I do?

Bring them in for testing.

That was about five days of taking time out just to find a friggin light bulb that would fit.

So back home, wait for the weekend when I could unscrew the square thing and
wiggle out the round things to take in for testing just to see what was wrong.

Weekend come, I go into the bathroom equipped with a screwdriver thinking how hard could it be. Well.

The screws on the square thing were neither the usual screws, nor Phillips nor quite allen. They were that other sort that I’d seen here and there and wondered why it is that we needed yet another type of screw many pollacks does it take to change a lightbulb

And they were jammed tight so nothing would get a hard enough grip to undo them. I even happen to have a set of allen keys as a bike tool and not one of them made a snug enough fit to turn hard enough to undo them bugger.

Bugger that all to blazes I starting to think – this is me suffering withdrawal symptoms from lack of post-do-inspection fixes!

OKAY, so I’ll have to undo that inner metal plate and take the unit down.

It was fixed with platic clips which have been sitting in the heated lightbox for at least six months (since I moved into this apartment).

Plastic and heat equals brittle plastic. Each one of the little clips snaps at the very suggestion of pressure. So putting the unit plate back up.

Bugger that to blazes twice and thrice (by now I was prepping for stronger language – so warning about reading the next bit for those of you with more sensitive sensibilities).

Plate bit now separated from the ceiling unit (and no apparent way of fixing it back in, and the changing of a light bulb becoming something worth taking pictures of – lest no-one believes me), there were still the electricity wires connected to the square thing that may or may not be the reason why there’s been no light in my bathroom going on a week now – because the problem might be with the little circular things.

The wires connect to the square thing and have little clips that you press to release. Guess what they’re made of. And guess what happens to that material when it’s been sitting in a hot lightbox for six months or more.

how many pollacks does it take to change a lightbulb

Every little one of them snapped off at the lightest application of pressure from my little pinky. Yes, pinky. They were tiny and only my pinky they were small enough I used by pinky to press each one down.

Drat and double drat! (I warned you about the strong language coming up).

Wire cutters, snip snip snip, take a picture to remember what colour goes where and expect myself to get blown up any second mucking about with electricity standing on a stool in the middle of the bathroom.

Now I have the unit down I’ll have to strip the wires and re-insert them (correctly). Oh and I’ll have to replace the little plastic bit into which they were connected IF I can find the right one!

how many pollacks does it take to change a lightbulb

I mean really, honest to FUCK. Is this not a reflection of the way things have become so much more complicated for just the simplest of things? I mean all this for changing a fucking light bulb.

This redundant complexity is all around us, the computer at work, the smart phone, even the car – it costs more for a computer diagnosis to find out of that blinking light is because you need to change a sparkplug or if it’s a software glitch causing the engine light to come on.

It’s an everyday occurrence now – it’s added complexity in everything, everday and everywhere and for what?

Perhaps the Polish were onto something way before everyone else when they needed six people to change a light bulb. Yup! They were right all along!

I mean FUCK!

Do I really need all these tools to not change a lightbulb?

how many pollacks does it take to change a lightbulb


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